Kevin Bacon. A master thespian who can be seen in such masterpieces as Footloose, Water Water Summer, and The River Wild. However, most do not know this man's truly monumental past. A past filled with belly flops, mysterious hard-ons, Greg Louganis envy, perfect 10 dives, and giant awkwardness. I am of course talking about the masterful scene in Friday the 13th where Mr. Bacon has a boner, while he performs one of the most heinous dives/belly flops/what the fucks you can imagine. The Triple Lindy this is not. I can only imagine the pain that shot up his shaft after hitting the water. It takes a truly special man to accomplish such a feat. We salute you Kevin. Give us an encore. Oh, and a little advice Mr. Director (whoever the fuck you are). Don't zoom in on Bacon's cock next time. This is not very kosher. The generally accepted safe distance from Mr. Bacon's penis is 25 feet. I warned you.
